Fearless?

8 10 2014

Quotation-Julia-Sorel-hurt-Meetville-Quotes-233387
My daughter is (somewhat) fearless.

She walks right up to groups of big kids and starts interacting, talking, showing them her Blue Elmo (aka Cookie Monster).

She dives into food with vigor and happiness, and tries anything and everything you put in front of her.

I pick her up from baby school, and though she is happy to see me, there isn’t a trace of anxiety about where I have been.

She leaps off the edge of the pool, chest first, arms flung wide – she doesn’t even LOOK at where she is going.

Fearless.

When I marvel at her my Mom reminds me that I was JUST LIKE THAT as a kid. “You would leap into space, without knowing where you would land.” Multiple examples, strikingly similar to how my daughter behaves.

I was going to say I cannot recognize myself in her at all, but in thinking about it – I guess that isn’t entirely true. I remember competing in Speech & Debate tournaments, and feeling completely in control. KNOWING I would win. UNAFRAID. I felt as if lucky things just happened to me, that there was an abundance of reward for my hard work, and I didn’t need to be afraid to put myself out there.

But that self-assurance has faded as I have gotten older, had my own kids, really had boots on the ground in this frustrating profession for many years now.

Now, I still feel fearless in my acting work. I don’t have ANY fear of looking foolish, ugly, stupid, distraught, terrifying – I pour myself completely into my work and love to get lost in it.

But I don’t feel fearless about my profession. AND it is something I want to cultivate in myself.

The other day, we were going for a ride in my parent’s new boat on the lake. My son kept asking, “Can we go on another boat ride after this boat ride???” I said to him, “Sweetheart, you are still ON this boat ride – just enjoy it! Don’t worry about the NEXT boat ride right now!”

Even as the words were leaving my lips, I was shaking my head – coming to the realization that my words of advice were even more pertinent to ME and my FEAR about if my acting work will continue and move UP from here.

I am worrying about the next boat trip. When I really need to savor the one I am on. Jump off the side of the boat – chest first – not looking where I am going – arms flung to the side – smiling wide….

My daughter taught me that.


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