Change: This is L.A. not LA

19 07 2017

It has been a rough couple of weeks.  For a lot of reasons.  Truthfully, it has been a rough first half of 2017.  The cyclical nature of this business can drive you mad if you let it.

There have been tragic deaths, which are still haunting me and several others – and I am in prayer for the families who surely need privacy right now.  There has been the loss of many possibilities…  Five possible jobs and several comic cons have fallen through:  and I remember in March wondering just how I was going to balance it all if even TWO of the jobs came through.  There have been realizations about the crooked way this business works, and realizations of just how much these ways have financially effected my family.

Everyone around me seems to be moving through a major change, and I am no exception.  I have a crazy itch right now for more, and I am seeking it out.  But the old adage that growth causes pain is surely true.  On some level, it feels easier to either – a.  give up, or b. stay with the “known.”  I find myself once again in that place where I wonder why I chose this fucking profession that causes me so much stress and uncertainty.  I find myself once again wondering if I should just move on, close this chapter in my life, and try something else.

Here is what I know right now:

  1.  There is a perception that if you are not an actor living in Los Angeles, you are somehow “less good”.  My Louisiana address makes it easier for casting to marginalize me as “local actor”, and keep me in a box where I am “good enough” but not “as good as.”
  2. I did an audition for a title character in a a sitcom, in Los Angeles, with only one hour prep time – which I was sent to directly from a meeting with VPs of Casting from a major network.  The casting director – a LOS ANGELES casting director – was completely blown out of the water.  I say this not to brag – but to qualify it with this:  I wasn’t nervous at all.  Once I got in that room I knew I understood what this character needed, and I did it.  So I am ready for this level of stuff.  I wasn’t ready a few years ago – when I had this same itch – but was too afraid to change.
  3. I am being considered for lead characters in many different shows – and am making it to the last few people in consideration – often.  Although I have not booked one yet, I know it is just a matter of time.
  4. The reason that meeting with the VPs of Casting happened in the midst of pilot season, is because they remembered an audition of mine from a year earlier that went all the way up the pipeline.  I only didn’t get to the next audition stage because I wasn’t a large enough size.
  5. I love myself, and I know now that my looks and my size are not at all an impediment to the type of work I deserve to be doing.

Who am I kidding?  I can’t try something else.  It isn’t in my DNA.  I just have to change.  Leap.  Quantum leap.

I can’t keep doing the same thing and expect different results.  I have to demand what I want, and expect to get it.